Second Love

There's nothing harder than saying goodbye to someone you used to love (or even someone that you still love).  I feel stupid when I get sappy because I open up this side to me that isn't bulletproof.  I'm making the exception right now because I wanted to share a song that was sent to me today.  "It Will Rain" by Bruno Mars hit really close to home, and I couldn't help but think about my second love.  It's hard to talk about him because almost everyone that knows me thought he was bad news, but he wasn't, not to me, and I will always defend that.  Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it didn't make sense.  Anyway, it's even weird to refer to him as a love because we never made anything official.  I used to put my relationship with my first love on blast--I had to remind the world how much I loved him, planned out every year of our future, and made it hell for any girl that looked at him--and look how well that worked out for me! ;)  I told myself I would never be that girl again.  I would let love be and go with the flow.

I was involved with my first love for 10 years (on and off) that I wasn't expecting to find love again so soon, but I did!  Just one month later!  If only I had an idea of what the hell I had in store for me.  He was exactly what I needed at that time for my broken heart.  The day we met, he was dancing in his kitchen to, "So You Can Cry" by Ne-Yo--the song I listened to over and over again after my break up with my first love.  I don't know, I thought it was cute/weird.  That one meeting turned into lunch, and lunch turned into countless conversations, endless nights, and unforgettable memories--mixed in with tears, drama, and heartbreak... over the span of 2.5 years.  It's crazy how the first few moments with someone new goes in slow motion... and as time goes by, the fights seem to be on repeat and the happy times on shuffle.  He was my best friend, that turned into my secret fling, that turned into my love, that turned into my greatest enemy.  Actually, he stayed my best friend through it all except for when we hated each others' guts.  We shared the same love for music, sports, and travel, and I've never met a person that was able to turn my life upside down so many times before.  He was the first person to ever say "no" to me, while doing everything in his power to keep me happy.  He played all of my "games", and passed every "test" I threw at him with flying colors.  He was able to keep up with my arguments and he even cooked for me.  I met my match and it scared me sh*tless.

Some months have passed since things ended between us... and all I can say is that I have no regrets (no matter what I said after the initial split).  But if I could do anything over again, I probably wouldn't have kept what we shared a secret from it's beginning because it really was something great.  Two years ago, I truly believed that you couldn't get hurt if you didn't acknowledge anything and kept your feelings to yourself... haha silly me!  After EVERYTHING (I will spare you the details because there are some crazy and complicated details), we were able to close up the open wounds and say goodbye on good terms.  Whatever he is doing right now, I honestly hope that he is happy.  The one thing I learned from my second love? Never fall in love with your best friend. :)  You may or may not know who I am talking about, and you may or may not be judging me right now.  One thing you should know about me: IDGAF.  One thing I know about you: you do because you read this far!

Happy listening!

And you know what they say... third time's the charm!